Part of being an adult is realizing that plans for your life are never set in stone. I mean, when you are a kid, things have a way of being predictable. Get up, get dressed, eat, go to school, eat, come home, eat, watch cartoons, go to bed. You get the picture. When Michael and I first started dating, I knew that joining the armed forces was something he was thinking about. I knew that being a part of law enforcement was a big attraction to him, and he felt that by serving his country, he could obtain that goal. This endeavor, as with everything, I supported him in. Plans were made, plans were changed, research was done on schools near bases, deployment times, requirements to join, and life moved on. I spent some quality time, looking into myself and trying to see if somewhere deep inside an army wife was waiting to break out. I wanted to be the most understanding, supportive, loving spouse I could be. I wanted to be all I could be.
Anyone who knows someone in the armed forces will tell you, sometimes the biggest battle these guys face is not the war front, but the home front. I was determined that if Michael was going to sign up to serve, I was only going to give my approval if I was 100% sure. I would not support him, only to abandon him when the going got tough. Therefore, I wanted to make sure that this was the best thing for both of us. And like I said before, life went on. Wedding plans were made, school classes were complained about, and work was done. So we talked, and we listened, and we asked questions.
We spent 6 months getting birth records, social security cards, transcripts, medical records, etc. We put Michael's life into a manila folder and delivered it to Uncle Sam. And then we waited. And waited. Finally, he was given the thumbs up to test.
That day, I sat in a quiet living room, on a scratchy sofa, staring at the wall and willing myself to be sure this was the path we were supposed to travel, willing our future to announce itself to us, so that we could prepare appropriately. Needless to say, the wall yielded nothing. I got the call from him, the Army had not offered him what he had come looking for, and so he was coming home.
No agreement, no moving, no new life.
I was surprised to feel disappointment. This road we had chosen, the path we prepared for, was gone. And I found myself curious about its possibilities. I had fought with myself over whether or not I was truly okay with his choice for so long that I was surprised to find I was so convinced of it that the loss of that dream was slightly depressing.
Never the less, life continued on. Plans were made, plans were changed. Different paths presented themselves, and we took them. Always though, my husband had the gleam in his eye. The look men get when they are presented with the chance for greatness. He wanted it still. I wanted it for him. We didn't talk about it for a long time. Once in a while, casual comments would be made. It was always there, the possibility.
It was a future I assumed would never happen, but on August 22nd, 2008, it became my reality.
Becoming an Army wife has been a long and arduous process. I still worry, but more and more I want him to join the ranks of those honorable enough to serve. I want him to do this when we are still young and flexible. Plus, the tide of war has changed. Things are not the same as they were a year ago. I want this for him, possibly more than he wants this for himself. I look forward to our future. I want to be the spouse he needs me to be. I want to be… army strong.
Hooah!
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